What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

He knew the spot.

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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

What was it like being spanked as a kid?

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I never cut or harmed myself..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

Especially a lifetime of it.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Is it possible to achieve spiritual enlightenment while being in a romantic relationship?

She loved him until the end.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I waited trembling.

What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

One cannot live in the past .

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I think the readers, may guess!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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I have no regrets .

I know ,a lot about trauma.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I said to her

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All the time i was locked up.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Is Obito Uchiha redeemable?

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Who then, do I blame.?

Im dying but, im not bitter.

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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

This is soul school!.

But, we were locked up after school.

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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

My life is so biszare .

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

(And it was in our own minds.)

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Ive learnt so much.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

What did i know ?

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

And i lived it daily.

She was in good health!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I couldn’t, believe it.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

So, i spoilt her more .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

It was going to be , some day.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

But it wasn’t much.

I was seconnd youngest,

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

So whats the point in blame.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I was scared of men, in general

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Why did i forgive my father ?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

She wouldn,t have been !

Put me off passion for life!!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Comes on , in middle age.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

We all went to grammer schools

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

My family never makes their pension either.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

He resisted the act ,that day.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Was to survive, this bastard.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Would this be the day?

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I could never make a relationship work though!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I don,t even have a pension.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I was very sick at this time too.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

She married twice! .

She found it foreign!.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I was 9 years of age.

When she asked me how she looked .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Im still living with it.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I write beautiful poetry .

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I will be 64.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We were not on the streets..